A Jesus story, retold...
I'm not feeling well today. Nothing unusual there. I've been sick for longer than I can remember now. I suppose people just think I'm used to it. But, I'll never get used to it.
I can't remember what it feels like to have hope. What does that even mean to someone like me? I remember, in the beginning, I was full of hope. I was sure I would go to the doctor and he would give me something to heal me and that would be that. The first one I went to gave me some medicine that he said would fix my problem. It only made it worse. The second guy had a new experimental thing he wanted to try. It didn't work. And then the third doctor, and the fourth - really, I've lost count. All of them said they could help me. I believed them. Now I think what a fool I was. They were just taking my money. I wonder - were they all laughing at me too?
I'm not permitted to go out in public and be around the people. I stay by myself most of the time. It's extremely lonely. Sometimes I think I'd be better off - well you know. It's hard not to give up sometimes. Anyway, when I do have to go out, I always go after dark. I wear a lot of clothes and hide my face to keep from being noticed. I just can't handle the shame of everybody making fun of me and pushing me away. I'm considered "unclean" - dirty. They've called me that for so long that even I think of myself that way. I feel so dirty.
The thing is, yesterday, I overheard them talking about some new healer. I've heard so much about how amazing He is. They say He can heal anyone. I know what you're thinking. He can't possibly heal someone like me. Why would He even care? How would I get there? The crowds will be huge around Him. I don't have the nerve to just ask Him to heal me. Who am I that He would take pity on me? But, oh, how much I wish I could just get close enough to touch Him. Maybe that would be enough. Just a little touch might make all the difference for me. I have to try. It's my last chance. I believe if I can just get to Him, I'll be healed. He is different. There's just something different about this Jesus.
I have to risk it. I'll just sneak in and sneak out. Nobody will notice me. I'm just a nobody in a crowd of important people who will demand the Healer's attention. I am so desperate. I have to try...
I'm so scared. The crowd is so massive. They're all pushing and shoving. I fell several times. I don't feel well at all. Maybe I shouldn't have come. But, there He is! He's so close to me now, if I can just push my way through... My pain is throbbing now - maybe I should turn back. No. Nobody has noticed me yet. I have to just push toward Him - I have to touch Him. If He only knew how desperately I need Him...
Wait - wait - He's here! I just reached Him. I just stretched out my arm and touched the hem of his garment. He was looking the other way, so He didn't see me! But, suddenly, everything has changed. I'm healed, I know it! I felt something go through me the moment I touched the Master.
Oh, yes - that's what I call Him now. He is the Master of everything to me! I felt strength flow into my body as if I was young again! I'm just going to run home - yes, RUN! I have to get out of here before anyone notices me - they would hate me for breaking the rules and coming into the crowd and...
Oh, no. He's looking for me. He said he felt someone touch Him. He wants to know who it was. What can I do? I'm terrified. I'm so ashamed of - of me. I shouldn't have done it. I broke all the rules to get to Him. I have to go to Him. It's too late now. He knows it was me...
I'm sorry Jesus, I start to say - it was me. He sees me. He knows it was me. I am just so scared, I'm shaking. Can I please just go away and hide like I always do? They're all looking at me now. They know it's me. It's too late...
But, wait - what's happening? He's lifting my head to look in His eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. They are actually looking on me with love. I haven't seen that look in so long. Can it be true that He not only healed me, but He loves me? Why would He love me? I don't understand a love like this.
He only just met me and yet He seems to know me. He's looking at me as though He sees right through me. He sees it all. All the hurt, all the suffering, all the loneliness, all the shame. He took it all from me today. He gave me back my body. But, more than that, He gave me back myself. He cleaned away every last speck of sickness and shame that has kept me prisoner all of these years! I have met my Healer! I have met my Savior! I have met my God!
Maybe you're wondering - was it worth it? All the years of pain and suffering for this? I can't explain it to you, but, yes, a thousand times, yes. If it hadn't been for all that, I never would have taken the risk to seek Him. I actually believe He was just waiting for me to come after Him!
Funny. I hated my illness all these years. But that's the very thing He used to help me find Him! I thought I was going to touch Him. But, no. He touched me. He didn't care that I was 'unclean'. He didn't hesitate to touch me. He saw me and it was OK - I didn't have to hide from Him. He even called me 'Daughter'!
He bent down and pulled me up and pressed my face close to His heart. I felt the embrace of love unspeakable and full of mercy.
He touched me. And I will never be the same.
-----------------------------Scripture Reference: Luke 8: 43-48 The Message
"...Jesus said, 'Daughter, you took a risk trusting me and now you are healed and whole..."
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How are you doing on your journey with the Lord? Started yet? Still searching. My prayer is that you will be encouraged to seek after Him with all your heart. Without a doubt, you will find Him. He is searching for YOU!