I Have You...

..."Even if I go through
the deepest, darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
For YOU are with me...
Psalm 23:4

Mother's Day.  Serving cupcakes and ice-cream-sundays to mothers in their eighties and nineties.  Some in wheel chairs, some blind, some deaf, some confused and losing their way mentally.  I had invited a new-found friend, an excellent speaker, a sister-in-Christ, to come and share her testimony with this little rag-tag group of ladies that had gathered around the ice-cream and cake to celebrate the blessing of motherhood.  My friend is a mother of several children, now grown, and of one who went to be with the Lord at the tender age of fourteen.  She has an amazing story...

Tanya (not her real name) lost her son to gang members who showed up on the playground where he was playing basketball and shot at random into the crowd of young boys shooting hoops that day.  When they were finished, her son was lying on the ground with a bullet in his head.  He died on the way to the hospital.  She never even got to say good-bye. 

For any mother, this is the ultimate loss.  Tanya is no exception.  As she shared with us the pain of that moment, over twenty years ago, she struggled to keep back the tears even now.  There really are no words to comfort a mother who experiences this kind of a tragedy.  But, I had asked Tanya to share with us because of the uncommon grace that oozes from the pores of this beautiful woman whose faith has deepened and flourished, not only in spite of this loss, but, even, because of it. 

Listening to her testimony of God's care for her during the most horrible time she ever lived through, she told us of the tender moments when Jesus drew very close to this grieving mother and reassured her of His unfathomable love for her as she said goodbye to the son she loved.

In the depth of her agony to release her son into the hands of God, this woman of faith was torn between her love for her son and the knowledge that he had gone home to be with His Savior.  She knew that of a certainty - she did not doubt it.  But, that didn't make the lettting go any easier, of course.  Right in the middle of the depth of that struggle, she heard the voice of Jesus calling her, loving her, comforting her.  "I have you, Tanya.  I have you..." 

There are many other things she shared with us about this trial in her life.  But, for now, that is all I want to leave you with.  Whatever you are going through today, no matter the tragedy or the trial, listen for the voice of your Savior calling to you, comforting you, loving you through it all.  No matter what it is you have been asked to face that seems impossible, hold on to Jesus.  Just remember that it is the same Savior that spoke to my friend that is reassuring you today.  He is saying over and over again, "I have you...  I have you..."  Jesus Christ has you.  No matter, what, He has you.  And He will bring you all the way home...

Help Me Stand...

"Lead me on.  Help me stand..."

Precious Lord, by Tommy Dorsey

I read the news story today about Pastor Rick Warren's son, Matthew, taking his own life after a life long battle with depression that never seemed to completely leave him.  I saw the picture of the Pastor's face as he told of his loss to the world.  His eyes were clouded, his face was covered with the unspeakable pain of the loss of a child he loved beyond words.  My heart was breaking for him.  I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like for him to walk up to a microphone with cameras flashing, like hungry sharks circling their prey, to tell the world of a pain that is so private and so immense.  Some of those watching love this man.  Some hate him and will take a perverted pleasure in his loss. 

I know that he is a pastor of a huge mega-church.  He is the author of one of the most widely read books on Christian living ever published.  But, at this moment, in this hour of his deepest need, he is just a daddy, grieving the loss of his precious son.  As a mother of four grown children, who have long ago left the nest, I know that a parent's love never diminishes for their child, no matter the age, no matter the "sins" they may commit, no matter the disappointments they bring into their lives and ours.  A father's unconditional love and delight in a son or a daughter, gives us a glimpse into the tender, unending love of God our Father.  We have no greater image of that love on earth, than that of a parent who never gives up on a wayward child, never stops praying, never stops hoping, never gets over the love that ties him in knots for this child, grown or not. 

I have spent many a sleepless night praying for my children.  There doesn't even have to be a specific need.  I will just think of one of them, not knowing what is happening wherever they are, and I will find myself knocking at the door of heaven, reminding the Lord of the Universe, not to "forget" my son or my daughter.  I am sure Pastor Warren spent many a sleepless night storming the doors and windows of heaven for this son that he so loved.  No, I do not believe his prayers were not heard, that God ignored him or that He didn't care.  I believe God, the Giver of the gift of this son to his father, loves both father and son more than we can even imagine.  He is close to this man in his loss, even more than He has been in his triumphs, which have been phenomenal.  

The God who called Rick Warren to be a pastor, first called him to be a father to this son.  He hasn't forgotten him.  He is right there, closer than the air we breath.  He feels the depth of his loss.  He doesn't expect him to quote some bible verses glibly and pretend this doesn't hurt like hell.  He knows it does.  He watched His own treasured, precious Son die an unspeakable death Himself.  He is a God who knows our pain because He has lived it before we did.  Our God is "close to the brokenhearted."  He "collects all of our tears in a bottle" never to be forgotten.  He is the God who walks with us "through the valley of the shadow of death".  Because He is with me, I "will fear no evil." 

May these beautiful and tender promises of our God be a comfort to Pastor Warren and his wife and family, right now. 

Precious Lord, lead him on.  Help him stand...



When You Were Inside of Me...

When You Were Inside of Me...

How can it be that yesterday

The budding flower of you

Lay nestled and protected

Beneath my beating heart,

But today, you are no more?

Was it only a dream I had of you

Or was it really true?

Hidden inside of me,

Where no-one else could see.

Was it true you called me Mama

And I called you My Pet?

No bigger than a pencil point,

A tiny little miracle,

You began your life in me,

Not a blob of tissue, not some cells I could ignore,

How could I explain to others that you were so much more?

I loved you in the beginning, in the middle and in the end,

I stroked your cheek to keep you calm,

I counted your toes, I tickled your chin,

And cradled you in my arms,

When you were inside of me.

I read you stories and sang you songs

And bounced you on my knee.

I whispered your name in my sleep,

Your little face filled my dreams,

When you were inside of me.

Don't ask me to wake up this morning

How I hate this day,

Your screams and cries are all I hear.

There is no life within me.

They have stolen you away.

No, I will never be the same

No matter what they say,

You cannot be replaced.

You will never be forgotten.

For when they took you from me

They took away my heart.

Will you know me when I get to heaven

Will I know you, My Pet?

Does the sun rise in the morning

In the evening, does it set?

You, my darling baby,

I never will forget.

Do you search for me sometimes

Wondering where am I?

Does God our Father comfort you,

When you begin to cry?

Does your guardian angel read you stories

And bounce you on his knee?

Does he tell you how I loved you

When you were inside of me?

Will he hold you to the window

to watch and wait for me?

Will he tell you when I'm coming

Will he let you run to me?

Do you remember how I loved you

When you were inside of me...

Note:  This poem is an original work written by me and lovingly dedicated to the many women who have lost their babies through abortion and miscarriage and who will never be the same.  Also dedicated to my own little one, lost in the fifth month of pregnancy.

May God comfort and heal the many mothers (and grandmothers) who lost their babies before they ever got to hold them in their arms.  

Close to the Brokenhearted...

I heard a tragic story yesterday of two mothers, both of whom will bury their dearly loved children this week. One mother lost her twenty-seven year old son, engaged to be married in the Spring; the other, a young mother whose little girl was only six years old when tragedy crept in and stole her life. Both children were taken instantly, unexpectedly. For a mother forced to accept the death of her child, there are no words to describe the grief and shock.

As a mother myself, who buried a baby only five months old in the womb, I know the heartache of saying goodby before I ever wanted to. Age of the child is irrelevant to a mother at a time like this. No matter the age, infant, toddler, adult child, a mother will carry her child with her all of her life. There will always be an open wound in her heart. Part of her will always miss their voice, imagine what could have been, and long to touch and hold 'just one more time' the child that is gone forever.

Some losses are simply beyond the scope of words to describe. As women, we just know. We know when we look into your eyes that you are devastated. We pray with you. We cry with you. We hurt with you. We wrap ourselves around you, wishing we could take the pain away, and knowing, we cannot.

We lift you today to the God of All Comfort, knowing that He stands at the grave with you and weeps. May you know His constant care and the depth of His love for you - until you are home and reunited with your loved one forever.

I am attaching a video from Selah. This song was written by the mother of a child that died soon after birth. It is in the form of a lullaby to a baby. But, really, this is for any mother that is heartbroken at the loss of her child. No matter the age – every mother who loses her child grieves the loss of her baby...

Scripture Reference:  Psalm 34:18


"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."