Eye Has Not Seen...

"Nor ear heard,
Nor has it entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared
For those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9
NKJV

I had a dear friend once who had twin sons that were, of course, more precious than life itself to my friend. Inexplicably, one of his sons developed an extremely deadly form of cancer at the tender age of 11. From that point on, life was never the same. My friend rode an emotional roller coaster for well over two years. Just when the family was broken and unable to take another step, a miraculous drug would turn the tables of fortune and, what seemed a hopeless situation turned on its head and the child rallied to what seemed like a cure. Then, after months of “normal” health and childhood vitality, the disease came roaring back with a ferocity that threatened to crush my friend under its reign of terror.

Once again, my friend was caught in the merciless grasp of an enemy that kept appearing in new clothes with a new, more threatening voice, as if to say, “You will never escape, you will never escape... I have you. You will never escape...” Eventually, on the threshold of his graduation from grade school, my friend's son lost his battle and the Lord took him home. My friend was devastated.

I watched this unfolding tragedy with horror. There was nothing I could say to comfort my friend. He was inconsolable. He blamed himself for not being able to protect his son. As if he had willfully chosen to abandon his son when he was most needed. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. No. This father stayed at the side of his son through every excruciating minute of his illness. He never lost hope. He never gave up. He was faithful.

What does God have to say to us about these kind of moments in our lives, that define our lives by the immensity of their impact?  I have stood by the bedside of my own parents as they wrestled and fought against illnesses that took their lives. I have wept at the loss of my own child, much wanted and dearly loved, gone before I ever got to hold him in my arms. I have experienced losses in my life that I never talk about to anyone. They are carried in the silence of my heart, where only God knows the depth of pain their loss has meant to me.

When something happens in my life that tears the blister off the old wound, and I am brought back to the pain as if it were yesterday, I run to the Lord and tell Him the story that has broken my heart all over again. He never stops receiving me into His arms. He never turns His back to me, wondering when I will ever “get over it”. He never says, He's heard it all before and doesn't want to hear it again. No. He understands completely. He weeps with me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me. He looks upon me with the compassion of a Father who never stops loving His child. He waits for me to catch my breath. He loves me “until I can be me again...”

At moments like these, there are no words to speak that make any sense.  I am speechless in the face of life's unanswerable questions.  All I want to do is draw closer and closer to the One who holds the answers.  I want to hear Him speak.  I want to know that He is with me, no matter how alone I feel.  I want to know He understands what I have no words to express.  In the depths of suffering that silences my voice, I want to hear Him speak...