Cracked Wide Open...

"...All Your waves and billows have gone over me."
Psalm 42: 7
NKJV

 

(This is a re-write of Psalm 42, in the language of my heart...)

Like the parched earth cracks and breaks wide open to gulp down the spring rains, so am I broken and dying for even a drop of You...

Where are You?  I can’t find You anymore.

Nothing satisfies my thirst.  I eat and drink my tears day and night.

I hear the mocking of my enemies, laughing and dancing a victory dance over me.  “Where is He, now?!  Where is He hiding?!”

My heart breaks when I remember You.  I remember when we were close and I celebrated in Your house, with those who knew Your name.  I remember how we danced and sang Your praises late into the night.  What happened to all that?  I thought it would never end.  I don’t understand why it did…

What’s wrong with me?  I have to stop all this crazy thinking.  Now is the time to trust You, right in the middle of all this madness.  I just need to see You next to me once more…

Oh, God, I cannot stop the noise inside of me that is washing over me like a river of darkness.  Where are You?  Why have you left me all alone with my enemies surrounding me?

Oh, God, I’m going under! Grab hold of me before they bury me forever in a grave marked "Despair".

Somewhere, I have a memory of You loving me.  Didn’t You care for me tenderly? Don’t I remember You singing a love song over me, day and night?

Yes, I’m sure of it now.  I remember You, Oh, Lord.  You have been like a safe house to me - the place I run to when the maniac storm chases after me and murders everything it touches... 

But, why don’t You remember me?  Am I nothing to You, now?

If I matter to You, why have you left me alone with them?  Do You see them circling around me like a pack of wild dogs, barking at me constantly their vicious taunts?  They have torn me to pieces and gnaw on my broken bones.

I cannot shut them out.  Can’t you hear them laughing at me - mocking me?  “Where is your precious God, now, you fool?  You are all alone…”

Even so, I cannot forget Your touch; the joy of knowing You…

Is that You invading this darkness?  Is that You I see in the distance?

Is that Hope I feel stirring in my heart?

Is that You drawing me, claiming me, pulling me back to You?

Is that Your voice I hear stilling the jeers of my enemy?

There really isn’t much I know for sure, but, this much I have learned.  I would be a fool, indeed, to ignore a God like You.

You, and You alone, are the only God I have and the One I will praise forever…