Lord, Give Me...

the heart of the Father...

Let me tell you something, if you don't already know it - that old man is crazy.  I mean a stark raving lunatic, no doubt about it.  He wants me to learn all about his god and follow all his lame teaching and obey what he tells me, and, well, you get the idea.  If he thinks I'm going to sit around and let my bones decay on the ole' homestead, he had better get a grip.  The sooner I escape this lunatic farm, the better off I'll be.  Yea, yea, I know, I'm supposed to wait until he's dead to get the goods.  He's such a soft touch, I know exactly how to play him.  After all, I'm the youngest - kinda the apple of his eye, if you know what I mean!  I know just the words to use and just the tone, just the youthful, innocent pretense he always falls for.  He doesn't have a clue!

Well, it was just like I said it would be.  The guy's a sucker, that's for sure.  I played the game, pretty much told him I wanted the cash, like NOW, and boom, just like that, he gave it to me.  Big brother isn't too happy and the whole town is laughing at Pops, but, who cares - I got what I wanted and that's all that matters.  I'm out of here now.  Who needs this place, the ole' man, or the god they worship.  Good riddance, is all I can say.

I wanted to break loose, to get as far away from this nightmare as I could.  I mean all the restrictions they put on me - it was as if I was some kind of fool who couldn't run my own life!  This new place is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I have friends that really care about me.  They invite me to all the parties, they drink with me, they drug with me, they sleep with me - they love me!  It's so great being free to be me!  I always dreamed life could be like this!  It's what I was made for!  That's right - God made me to be the way I am, so, I'm not apologizing to anybody.  This is the real me.  You don't like it, blame God.  He made me this way.

Oh, man, I'm out of cash!  I told some of my buddies and I haven't seen any of them in weeks.  It's as if they were just hanging around me for what they could get...  I was hoping some of them would pay me back for all the times I coughed up for the bill on the drinks and the chow.  Man, I'm in shock.  I thought they were my friends.  I mean I can't even afford a place to stay now.  I'm living on the street.  It isn't even safe out here.  This place is downright dangerous...

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"But, when he had spent all, he began to be in want..."
Luke 15: 14


Good grief, I can't even believe where I'm at right now.  I need to stay calm and just get a job - this is just a temporary setback - I'm fine - I mean I always land on my feet!  I'm the one who always wins!  I play by my own rules and that's the way I like it.  For now, I'll get a job until the money starts rolling in again - then I'll be fine!  You'll see!  This is me we're talking about!

Well, things didn't exactly work out the way I planned.  Listen to me!  I don't plan!  Life just happens and its all good - right?  Uh, maybe not always good.  This has only gone from bad to worse.  Turns out, for all of my smarts, I somehow don't have the skills to get a decent paying job.  Nobody appreciates me for me anymore!  They need to remember whose kid I am!  Back home, I'm my father's kid - that makes me important, just by itself!

Anyway I took the only job I could find cleaning out the poop from the pigs house - you would not believe the filth I am living in right now.  I know I can't believe it.  It feels like I can't get any lower.  I am so hungry, I fight the pigs to eat their slop.  Nobody ever comes by to check on me.  I'm filthy dirty, I smell like the pigs, I sleep with the pigs, I live like the pigs.  I can't take much more.  God, how did I get here and how do I get out?


"and he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate,
but no-one gave him anything..."
Luke 15: 16

God.  I haven't really thought of you in years.  I do remember hearing about you though.  My family told me about you.  Guess I've really been my own god for quite awhile...

Well, it's over for me.  I have to go back to my father's house.  I wouldn't blame him if he refused to take me in.  I mean, look at what I did with all he gave me.  Look how I squandered his blessing.  Look how I mocked him, even to his face.  He can't love me anymore.  He can't.  Even he isn't that much of a fool.  I have so messed up my life.  I flat out rejected everything he told me.  I rejected him.  I can't make that up to him.  But, I need him now, like I have never needed him before.  I'm going to go back.  I hope I can make it.  I am so weak, this has taken everything out of me.  With the last ounce of energy I have, I will go back.  I will beg him to forgive me.  If he will just let me be one of his servants, that would be so much better than this.  At least I would have some shelter and food.  I can't go on like this. I will be dead before long.

I don't know if I can do this.  It is so humiliating.  I am not even sure he will know me.  He has probably disowned me by now.  He might not even let me on his property.  The servants are all going to be laughing at me.  My brother will say it serves me right - and, that's really true - it does.  I wouldn't blame any of them, but, especially my father, if he never spoke to me again.  I am so sorry for what I have put him through.  I have been such a fool...

Wait - who is that man running so hard down the road to get to me?  Does he mean to kill me? Rob me - I have nothing to give him anyway.  Oh, no.  I don't believe what I am seeing.  It is my father.  My father whom I have hated and rejected.  My father, my father, my father... Oh, how I love my father...


"But, when he was still a great way off,
the father saw him and had compassion
and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him..."Luke 15: 20


He has blown me away with his love for me.  He told the servants to get me some new clothes, and put a beautiful ring on my finger that is a gift from him to me - his prodigal child!  He never stopped loving me.  He said he searched for me every day, hoping against hope that I would come back to him.  He never gave up.  He loves me, even in my great sin against him.  I will never get over what he did for me.  He never gave up on me.  He rescued me when I was close to death.
He threw a party to welcome me home.
Nobody ever loved me like my father.
Nobody...


"...for this my son was dead and is alive again;
he was lost and is found.
And they began to make merry...
Luke 15: 24