Monday, January 18, 2016

70 x 7

The Impossible Commands of Jesus...

Te adora semper et semper
Is not love forever and ever?
My heart never thinks of you
 That the scars don't rip open and bleed anew.

I have hated you so long,
I have forgotten
Once upon a time
 You were my favorite love song.

You were my heart beat, my laughter,
 my love, my happy-ever-after.
I painted my heart upon my sleeve
And never imagined you would leave.

But something I will never understand
Tore the bottom from all we planned.
Love turned to hate, and hate to death.
The death of a love we said was forever.
Te adora semper et semper...

I have hated you,
I have loved you,
I have wished you the worst
And prayed for the best.

It hurts to remember all that we lost
The beauty, the love, the years it has cost.
To hold onto my anger
and give into my heart.

Where does love go when lovers do part?
It's buried down deep
Beneath all the pain
Never to speak of or remember again.

But I hear a voice whispering to me
Let me show you the Way
To open the door
To set your heart free.

Forgive him, forgive him, forgive him again.
Seventy times seven is just to begin.
That's impossible I argue,
You don't know what You've asked.

I know that it hurts, He answered my heart
For your freedom and his, they ripped Me apart.
I purchased forgiveness for you and for him
You cannot receive it and refuse to forgive.

Give this to Me, I'll take it forever
You cannot love Me and hold on to this too.
I understand what you've been through.
I suffered with you.

I'll teach you the meaning of love that is true
Follow Me.
Lay down your heart on the altar for Me.
And I will be faithful
to love you forever.

Te adora semper et semper...

Note:  A poem about the breaking that happens when we Follow Jesus.  Especially, in the command to forgive when the pain is great, the wounds are deep and seem to be unforgivable.  I am always amazed at those who dismiss the Bible, as if it is irrelevant in today's world.  Looking at this subject alone, tells me how relevant it is to my life and yours.
I cannot follow His commands on my own - can you?
It is only by His grace and His mercy that I am able to stand at all, on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Without it, I would never obey a single thing He calls me to.
With it, that is a different story altogether...

Wishing you the grace of God to follow Him wherever He leads...

Friday, January 1, 2016

My God...

Looking back over 2015, I want to take a few minutes to bow my head to the God of All Creation, who listened to my prayers and answered them.  How amazing is that?!

All Praise and Glory be to the Name of the Lord, the God who is Faithful, the God who loves us and desires a relationship with us.  I am so grateful that, through it all this past year, the ups the downs, the good, the bad, the sweet things and the bitter, the God who loves me was in it all.

Thank You, Abba Father -

I lost my brother this year.  Letting go of someone we love hurts.  It is never easy.  I'm pretty certain that I didn't handle the moments and hours of letting go of my brother very well.  I fell into a family squabble that was pretty painful.  I struggled to grieve "appropriately".  That is a misconception, now isn't it?  Grieving is different for each of us.  For some it's short, for some it's long.  For some it's deep and cutting.  For some, we try to keep it on the surface to avoid feeling the pain too much.  But, through it all, I know that God knew what I needed and provided for me and still does.  I am not at all sure I have finished with this in my life.  I think this is some of the unfinished business that will carry over from 2015 to 2016.  The only thing I know for sure, is that I can't do this on my own.  I am constantly grabbing onto the hem of His garment, asking to be healed.  I mean, constantly...  I am so grateful that He doesn't brush me off and tell me He already handled that.  Instead, He turns around and looks for me and calls me daughter.  No matter how long my healing takes, I am grateful that He understands and loves me into complete healing...

Around the same time that I said goodbye to my brother, a sister that is very dear to me, but has been very distant, came back into my life.  We had not been close for many years.  When we began to reconstruct our relationship, I discovered she was out of work and desperately trying to find a good job.  Anyone who has looked for work these days knows how trying it can be.  This precious sister, ten years my junior, was met with rejection after rejection, to the point of deep discouragement and fear for the future.  As we talked, I began to speak to her about God's plan to give her a future and a hope.  I stepped into her life as someone who prayed God's will and plan into her life.  I prayed that she would see His hand clearly working on her behalf.  I prayed that she would not just find a job, but a really good one that would provide for her on many levels.  She had been looking for many months prior before I began praying for her, and was trying so hard not to be despondent.  She is highly educated and qualified, so that was not the issue.  But, I believe God was using this situation to show Himself to her as her Provider, her Always Faithful God.  After just a few months of praying for her, God offered her two extremely good jobs on almost the same day!  Not only was she going to have a good job, but, she was going to have a choice!

As we closed out 2015, my sister was in the second month of the job she chose.  And I?  I stand amazed at the goodness of My God, who not only loves my sister, but, went after her, sought her, and answered every prayer for her provision and care.  How good is a God who doesn't stand far away and tell us we are on our own, but, comes right into the middle of the mess we are in, dries our tears, soothes our fears, and answers every prayer over us?  Thank You, Abba Father, for what you have done for my sister.  I love you for it all...

As the summer wore on I found myself in need of new housing arrangements.  I lived in a very small apartment that I had known for awhile was not sufficient for me, for many reasons.  But the expense of moving stopped me in my tracks.  I was really torn, wanting to move, but, feeling locked in because of expenses that were beyond my reach.  In the middle of my struggling to come to terms with all of this, of course, I prayed for God's direction.  Out of the blue, one of my children who has been an incredible blessing to me, time and time again, called me and said she had received unexpected funds and wanted to send some my way to help me make the move.  I was blown away by the timing of her call, her complete selflessness on my behalf, and the extravagant generosity of my daughter and her husband.  Without her support, I would not have been able to make the move I made in November. As 2015 drew to a close, I found myself in a lovely new apartment that is truly home to me, in a way that my old place was not.  I look around and think that I must pinch myself to be sure I'm not dreaming!  How God blessed me with this lovely new home, and with the love and generosity of my sweet daughter and her husband.  God amazes me with answers to prayers I never really thought I would see....

There are many, many other blessings God has given me this past year, in answer to my prayers and to the prayers of others for me.  God is so Faithful and so full of love for each of us.  He calls me to pray, to trust Him, to bring my needs before Him, because He loves me.  Sometimes, He uses me to pray someone else into the blessing He has for them.  Sometimes, He uses someone else to do that for me.  God is not trembling on the floor of heaven hoping we don't ask Him for something He can't do. He is the Mighty King, Master of Everything, Jesus My Lord...

I thank God today for all that He has done for me in 2015.  Answered prayers, jobs to be gained, homes to be found, children to be loved, and a heaven to be won.  For all these things, and so much more, dear Lord, I thank You...