|I have learned to depend upon the Lord...|
The cold wind was blowing through my bones today. I could feel winter moving in for a long overnight stay, welcome or not. I went to the park to write for a while. It is one of my favorite places to write, to think, to commune with the Lord. I scribbled for a little while, but gave up finally. I wanted to drink in the evening as the sun was disappearing for another day. There is something about beginnings and endings that are so enticing to me. I love the sweetness of the morning sunrise, and the beckoning home of the evening sunset. I am drawn to look up and consider the things of God. I need to spend some time alone with Him. I am longing for His presence.
So many thoughts were running through my mind. Next week is Thanksgiving already. I love this holiday. As I have watched friend after friend daily announce some other thing they are thankful for, I was drawn back in time to count the things, great and small, that the Lord God has done for me. The list is endless. Everything I have that is worth having is from Him. For all of it, I am truly thankful.
In the midst of my remembering, I "happened" to hear the beautiful old hymn I have attached below. I qualify that because I don't believe it was just by happenstance. I believe God was whispering to me as if to say "Have you considered this...?" And so I leaned in a little closer to hear what He wanted to speak into my heart.
In the morning, I had felt so hungry for God to speak to me. I was longing for Him as surely as a lover longs for the beloved. I was missing my God. Here, in this beautiful old hymn, I heard the God of the universe step into my world to answer my morning prayer.
My heart was moved by the tenderness of His message to me. This song reminded me that He has been with me "through it all..." The pains, the sorrows, the trials, the tears, the fears, the moments of unspeakable joy and the moments of despair - my God has seen it all. He has laughed with me, wept with me, held onto me in moments when everyone else had long departed. He held onto me in the ugliest times of my life when nobody else was there. He carried me through every trial - every loss - every grief that threatened to destroy me. He was there. He loved me through it all.
Ironically, it isn't the joyous moments - the flying high moments - the kiss the sky moments - that I thank Him for today. It is the so low I thought I'd never survive moments for which I am most thankful. Because He was there. He met me in the pit of my despair. He was waiting for me "at the end of myself." He never gave up on me. He loved me no matter the sin. He loved me no matter the distance He had to go to find me. He loved me when I didn't love myself. Through it all - through it all - I have learned to depend upon the Lord...
For all Your many, many gifts to me, Lord God, I thank you most for this...